You might be a straight shaver if...

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  1. you chuckle when someone says "shaving sharp" about a knife.
  2. you roll your eyes when someone consider a 1k stone to be "fine".
  3. you look every old belt as a future pasted strop.
  4. you think Fusion users are heretics.
  5. you want to teach your father the REAL way to shave.
  6. you consider having a sharp blade on your throat "relaxing".
  7. when someone ask you if you shave your privates with the same razor you use for your face, your answer is "Are you out of your mind?!?" (even if I'm sure some of you do).[1]
  8. you think Gillette is most definitely not "the best a man can get".
  9. seeing the price of modern disposables makes you feel oddly superior.[2]
  10. you wake up on a Saturday and tell your wife, "Antique stores? Sure, we can go to antique stores."[3]
  11. you're always trying to avoid "Nick".
  12. Puma is for your face not your feet.[4]
  13. you have no hair on one of yer arms.
  14. you have no problem getting up at the crack of dawn, or staying up to the wee hours, to have the bathroom all to yerself.
  15. you actually have a bathroom (Shaveden) all to yerself.
  16. you have more face products then the SWMBO, by far, hands down, and know what all of them do.[5]
  17. you know what razors you own, the years the companies were in operation, where they were located, what scale materials the company used, what grinds the blades were ... but forgot to get the SO an aniversary gift.
  18. you decide the puck of vintage shave soap and mug you got off ebay is going to be the best aniversary gift you ever got her![6]
  19. "wedgie" does not make you think of your underwear.
  20. "smiling" does not make you think of your mouth.
  21. shower & shave is a reward, not a routine.
  22. your "babies" are older than you are.
  23. your PayPal shipping address is not your home residence (hiding new purchases).
  24. "porn" consists entirely of steel and/or rocks.[7]
  25. if your "new razor" was made in 1903.
  26. if you see a Mach26 commercial and yell "Let's see it vibrate in 100 years !!" at the TV
  27. you have the only kid in a 50 mile radius that knows that strop+butt=not doing that anymore.[8]
  28. your razor is 50 years older than your vintage hotrod.[9]
  29. you watch the preview of a Thai horror movie in which some woman hacks up her victims with a straight and all you can think of is 'I wonder what brand of razor that is?'.
  30. during this preview you are thinking 'Don't do that, blood is corrosive to razors!'.
  31. you find yourself thinking its ok to kill the guy in the horror movie, but just don't hurt that razor.[10]
  32. your razor collection costs more than your car.
  33. you have more soaps etc than some people have clothes.
  34. when someone claims their knife is "shaving sharp" you're thinking to yourself:"I wonder if he'll let me try?"[11]
  35. to end a stressful day you shave.
  36. random squares shaved out of your legs because you ran out of arm hair.
  37. you wonder why Gillette carry on adding more blades.
  38. you get confused when people say they don't want to shave or if they say they can shave in under 15 minutes.[12]
  39. you hope someone notices the huge CUT under your ear and asks what happened.
  40. you accessed SRP so much in one month, they blocked the website from the company intranet. oops.[13]
  41. the words Badger and Brush doesn't mean bothering someone or tree limbs.
  42. straight doesn't just mean heterosexual.[14]
  43. the people you work with think you have the worlds meanest cat.[15]
  44. your wife thinks you're crazy to shave, but puts up with it for the sake of smooth skin.
  45. the most frightening thing in the world is someone else handling your razors and stones.
  46. you test your newly honed knives on the remaining patches of hair on your arm- and it shaves well.[16]
  47. your brothers cows won't let you pet them, 'cause they know your just interested in their horns.[17]
  48. you have three styptic pencils in active rotation.[18]
  49. you view a double edge razor as a toy.[19]
  50. after 50 years of sharpening knifes and thinking your the best of the best you suddenly find out you dont have a clue as to what sharp really is.
  51. you quickly want to shave in the morning you must get up a hour early.
  52. you can no longer drive by a antic shop or yard sale.
  53. having big iron in your hand means 2 ozs.
  54. your hands are always stroking your face.
  55. you strop when your bored.
  56. you find inner peace in the bathroom while standing.[20]

Acknowledgements[edit | edit source]

All taken from You might be a straight shaver if: by cybrok.

References[edit | edit source]